61 lines
2.1 KiB
Plaintext
61 lines
2.1 KiB
Plaintext
From: bobmon@iuvax.cs.indiana.edu (RAMontante)
|
|
Newsgroups: rec.humor.funny
|
|
Subject: More prog. lang. Help (follow-on)
|
|
Date: 8 Jul 90 10:30:04 GMT
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
The lovely explanation of how to identify a programming language by
|
|
its effects, missed a few languages. Herewith:
|
|
|
|
|
|
FORTRAN:
|
|
You shoot yourself in each toe, iteratively, until you run out
|
|
of toes, then you read in the next foot and repeat. If you run
|
|
out of bullets, you continue anyway because you have no exception-
|
|
processing ability.
|
|
|
|
Algol:
|
|
You shoot yourself in the foot with a musket. The musket is
|
|
esthetically fascinating, and the wound baffles the adolescent
|
|
medic in the emergency room.
|
|
|
|
COBOL:
|
|
USEing a COLT45 HANDGUN, AIM gun at LEG.FOOT, THEN place
|
|
ARM.HAND.FINGER on HANDGUN.TRIGGER, and SQUEEZE. THEN
|
|
return HANDGUN to HOLSTER. Check whether shoelace needs
|
|
to be retied.
|
|
|
|
BASIC:
|
|
Shoot self in foot with water pistol. On big systems, continue
|
|
until entire lower body is waterlogged.
|
|
|
|
PL/I:
|
|
You consume all available system resources, including all the
|
|
offline bullets. The DataProcessing&Payroll Department doubles
|
|
its size, triples its budget, acquires four new mainframes, and
|
|
drops the original one on your foot.
|
|
|
|
SNOBOL:
|
|
You grab your foot with your hand, then rewrite your hand to
|
|
be a bullet. The act of shooting the original foot then
|
|
changes your hand/bullet into yet another foot (a left foot).
|
|
|
|
lisp:
|
|
You shoot yourself in the appendage which holds the gun with
|
|
which you shoot yourself in the appendage which holds the gun
|
|
with which you shoot yourself in the appendage which holds the
|
|
gun with which you shoot yourself in the appendage which holds...
|
|
|
|
scheme:
|
|
You shoot yourself in the appendage which holds the gun with
|
|
which you shoot yourself in the appendage which holds the gun
|
|
with which you shoot yourself in the appendage which holds the
|
|
gun with which you shoot yourself in the appendage which holds...
|
|
...but none of the other appendages are aware of this happening.
|
|
|
|
English:
|
|
You put your foot in your mouth, then bite it off.
|
|
|
|
--
|
|
|