159 lines
5.5 KiB
Plaintext
159 lines
5.5 KiB
Plaintext
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/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\
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\ Spotting and Killing Nerds /
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/ \
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\ by: John Smith /
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/ - & - \
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\ Sorcerer's Apprentice /
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/ \
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\ 09/30/85 /
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/ \
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\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/
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Lesson I: Spotting a Nerd
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/*/*/*/*/*/*/*/*/*/*/*/*/*/*/*/*/*/*/*/
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Nerds hang around war boards trying to act cool by putting down war boards and
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saying they are a waste of time. (They'd rather spend their time doing their
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Advanced Calculus III homework.)
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They may also take a different approach and act tough (that is until someone
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threatens to beat their ass, then they mysteriously disappear.)
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Nerds don't hack or phreak because they're afraid they'd get caught and their
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mommies would spank them.
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On Suggestion boards, they always suggest a homework board or an intellectual
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debate board so they can discuss such important topics as: How to Keep Away
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from Bullies, and How to Fight Inflation.
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Nerds normally use stupid handles like Electronic Whiz, The Cricket, The
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Brain, Capt. Hook, Mickey Mouse, and Albert Einstein. They may also use names
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that have nothing to do with their activities or personality such as The Stud,
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or The Hack-Man.
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They carry around brief cases with important documents on how to solve the
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latest Calculus problems.
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Nerds normally come from poor families who can only afford a Timex Sinclair
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but they modify it to make it as powerful as a mainframe.
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Nerds have names like Kevin Smith, Eugene, Waldo, Marvin, Wilbur, Gilbert
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Poindexter, Myron, Melvin, Norbert, and Homer.
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In every nerd's room is a picture of all their teachers, famous composers like
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Beethoven, and Albert Einstein (who is their idol). They also have pictures of
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the latest computers.
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Sometimes a nerd will put up a BBS. These are not too hard to spot.
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1-The name of the board is The School House, The Classroom, The Computer Room,
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or The Kid Klub.
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2-There are 5 sub-boards dedicated to homework (Calculus, Language Arts,
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Physics, Biology, and Trigonometry)
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3-The text philes are on Excelling in Math or Language Arts made easy. There
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are also philes on how to gain the most out of listening to to Beethoven and on
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the correct procedure for taping glasses.
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4-The board is run on homemade software with one disk drive.
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5-The sysop is ALWAYS around to chat because he has no friends.
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6-All of the games are public domain.
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7-The board may sometimes be busy a lot when there is no one on it. This is
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because the nerd can't stand to not use his computer for more than 2 hours.
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Some more nerdish features:
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They wear horn-rimmed Coke bottle glasses with lots of white hospital tapes
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holding them together.
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They are afraid of girls and think they have cooties.
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They buy a stereo so they can listen to Beethoven and Bach.
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Nerds think that Def Leppard is an animal that can't hear and wonder why Ratt
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is spelled wrong.
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They cried when they saw Revenge of the Nerds, but are going to try out for
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the sequel.
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Lesson II: Destroying a Nerd
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\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*
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After you have spotted a Nerd, you will probably want to exterminate him (or
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her) so that society may live better with one less nerd.
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A nerd will usually hangout in the library or the computer room at your
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school.
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Once spotted move toward the nerd very slowly and with a quick movement remove
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his glasses. You now have the nerd by the balls (so to speak.)
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First, torture him by stomping on his glasses. Then tell him he got a 'B' on
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his report card. Break all his pencils and squirt the ink from his pens into
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his face. (A typical nerds carries at least a dozen pencils and eight pens.)
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Now take him to his school and throw eggs at it and throw a few small hand
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grenades through the windows (you should now notice him begging you to stop, but
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you're not through yet...)
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Drag him to his house and destroy his computer, put his disks in the toilet
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and piss on them. Then take all his Beethoven records and smash them with his
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violin.
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By now, the nerd will be in a gigantic fit of crying and screaming. If the
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nerd has not yet had a heart attack, it means you have a strong nerd so you must
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give him the old Chinese torture
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...............................
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......................................
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......................................
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......................................
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......................................
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Tell him that ALBERT EINSTEIN WAS A MYTH!
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Afterword By Sorcerer's Apprentice
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=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*
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I'm sure we've all grown to hate nerds and we all will appreciate having them
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killed with the help of this file.
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A wasted...
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===->SORCERER'S APPRENTICE<-===
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Non-Copyright (N)1985 by John Smith
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and Sorcerer's Apprentice
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No Rights Reserved
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(In other words you can do whatever the fuck you want with this as long as you
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don't change it or remove our names)
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/*/\*\/*/\*\/*/\*\/*/\*\/*/\*\/*/\*\/*
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Call these boards:
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Inner Realm (Commodore) (313) 278-4832
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Dark Castle (Apple) (815) 729-0188
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The Archives (Apple) (815) 344-0481
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Twilight Phone (Apple) (313) 775-1649
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Red-Sector-A (Apple) (313) 591-1024
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(The 4 Apple boards all have 10 megs and AE's)
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(One of us can also be reached at one of the above boards if you have any
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comments.)
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/*/\*\/*/\*\/*/\*\/*/\*\/*/\*\/*/\*\/*
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Also call
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Ware World AE (313) 828-7683
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4 drives + 128 K RAM
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/*/\*\/*/\*\/*/\*\/*/\*/\/*/\*\/*/\*\/*
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Call The Works BBS - 1600+ Textfiles! - [914]/238-8195 - 300/1200 - Always Open
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