31 lines
1.4 KiB
Plaintext
31 lines
1.4 KiB
Plaintext
Safety Tips for the Post-Nuclear Existence
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(1) Never use an elevator in a building that has been hit by a nuclear
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bomb; use the stairs.
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(2) When you're flying through the air, remember to roll when you hit
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the ground.
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(3) If you're on fire, avoid gasoline and other flammable materials.
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(4) Don't attempt communication with dead people; it will only lead to
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psychological problems.
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(5) Food will be scarce; you will have to scavenge. Learn to
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recognize foods that will be available after the bomb: mashed
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potatoes, shredded wheat, tossed salad, ground beef, etc.
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(6) Put your hand over your mouth when you sneeze; internal organs
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will be scarce in the post-nuclear age.
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(7) Try to be neat; fall only in designated piles.
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(8) Drive carefully in "Heavy Fallout" areas; people could be
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staggering illegally.
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(9) Nutritionally, hundred dollar bills are equal to ones, but more
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sanitary due to limited circulation.
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(10) Accumulate mannequins now; spare parts will be in short supply on D-Day.
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Safety Tips for the Post-Nuclear Existence
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Tip #1: How to tell when you are dead.
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(1) Little things start bothering you: little things like worms, bugs, ants.
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(2) Something is missing in your personal relationships.
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(3) Your dog becomes overly affectionate.
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(4) You have a hard time getting a waiter.
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(5) Exotic birds flock around you.
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(6) People ignore you at parties.
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(7) You have a hard time getting up in the morning.
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(8) You no longer get off on cocaine.
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