243 lines
12 KiB
Plaintext
243 lines
12 KiB
Plaintext
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-:+)-=================-(+:-
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! Rock !
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! and !
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! Reggae !
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-:+)-=================-(+:-
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The Story of Nick
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and the intergal-
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actic Break Dancers
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By Torqa Dun
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-ANARCHY INCORPORATED-
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It was a regular day for Nick Retroblast, intergalactic stud on the loose.
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He woke up that day and put on his BRUT 33 aftershave and his "macho look"
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jacket and hit the spaceways. Little did he know that this would be the
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strangest day of his life. Zooming towards the planet Whompa in his Flopover
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i23g Metrocruiser, when suddenly a large Kelly-Green Cadillac cruiser with the
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the words "Guido and the Burritos break-dance squad" pulled up and Le'roy and
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Ty'rone leaned out the window and says "Hey Honky! yo's blockin' the rode!"
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Well, nick didn't want to fuck with these dudes so he does the best thing:turns
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his banana-blaster on overdrive and blasts the shit out of the back rockets.
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Well, in a desperate move, Ty'rone blast some heavy
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"BOOM-CHICKA-BE-BOP-BE-DE-DOP-DE-BOOM-BOOM-CHICKA WHIZZ BANG!" Nick's way and
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his "Rock Machine i23g" can't take this and begins to spin towards the planet
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below, right along with Guido's band of merry Be-Boppers. "Damn electric break
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shit" Nick mutters as he plummets through cloud and haze. Nick hits the
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"emergency land" button and shoots out a stream of candied yams to cush}iion
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his fall. When the i23g lands, Nich sees the soul brothers, Guido, Ty'rone,
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Le'roy, Skully, and Jo'jo, collecting themselves and donning their sparkly
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break-jackets with Michael Jackson* gloves scintillating in the sunlight, armed
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with a 40-ton Ghetto-Blaster that Jo'jo (1500 lbs) was a-totin'. Guido steps
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forward and says
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"Lissen here honky, you crash our car"
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"Shootin' that 'nanna like you some kinda star"
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"Bro, you be messin' with the baddest break crew"
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"And before this day's done there'll be nothin' left of you."
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"So heed our warnin' and move yo' face"
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"Cos' Guido's boys are a-tkin' this place!"
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Nick is shocked at the primitive communication these boys are spewing out,
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and decides he isn't going to stand for this shit. So, grabbing a handful of
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yams, he hurls them at Guido with a very satisfying SPLAT. Quido's boys don't
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take well to this and turn the Bro-myoosic up to 10!
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WHIZZA-FLIZZA-SHIKA-SHAKA-KHAN-KHAN-CLIP-DIP-FLIP-BOOM-CHICKA-BAM
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CHAKA-BOOM-BOOM-DE-BEEP-BOP-KAN-KAN-WHOOSH-PLOP-PLOP-SCREEAAMMM!
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"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!" Nick yells as his ears resound with the noise
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of the Bro-music. He picks his own blaster out of his cruiser and grabs some
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tapes, then runs off towards a large structure in the distance. As he runs, he
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notices the sign: WELCOME TO BIZARRO-WORLD. Well, Nick might run, but the
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Bro's just -slide- along, moving their bodies wildly so that they look like
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epileptic seizure vicims. Nick ducks into the nearest structure marked "Ronald
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McDonaldland%" and hides behind Grimace%. The Bro's are in hot pursuit and
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break on into the playground..as Le'roy circles Grimace% Nick pushes it over,
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pinning Le'roy to te ground. Guido yells "FUCK!" and whips the "F" and "U"
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from the dialogue bubble above his head. He hurls these at poor Nick Ho gets
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splatted by the "U" and falls to the ground. He yanks a Frisbee off a near-by
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Frisbee tree and knocks Guido's top-hat into the mud.
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"You honky mother"
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"You dipped my hat"
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"Me and my boys"
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"Gonna get'cha fer that!"
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(can't these soul brothers talk in anything besides rhyme?)
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Nick takes off and drops one of the tapes in his rush. It sinks into the
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ground and, being a Twisted Sister tape, out grows Dee Snider! he sheds his
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roots and comes after the soul Bro's. Well, being innovated Bro's, they go
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into their best break moves, like the dreaded "Dick-spin+" and "Killer nose
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twist+".. Well, Dee, being really a wimp at heart, begins to get enthralled by
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the music and starts be-boppin' with the Soul Brothers. Guido and his boys
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take off leaving Dee spinning into the ground. Nick hops into the waiting (of
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course! it's fiction!) Countash 5000S turbo and screeches around to try and
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run down his adversaries. Well, Guido wishes really hard he had a huge
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Ghetto-Blaster and KA-BLAMMO! There stands a 50' blaster complete with
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equalizer. This is no normal equalizer, this is a SOUL-BRO (R) equalizer with
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settings like "get-down" and "beat streat" and "beat-off". Being the person he
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is, Guido naturally chooses Beat-off. Upon laying his finger upon the button,
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this huge sound issues from the blaster:
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"WHAKA-WHAKA-WHAKA-WHAKA-WHAKA-WHAKA-WHAKA-WHAKA-WHAKA-WHAKA!"
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Nick's Countash is overtaken by this and flips over in a fit of pops and
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whizzes. Being resourceful, Nick does the most sensible thing: Runs his ass
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off. Ducking into a large manufacturing plant which says "Kellog's" with this
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huge picture of a very stupid looking tiger, he feels safe. But the soul
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brothers are right behind him. They spot Nick behind a crate and Guido chants
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"Snag that Honky's bare white ass"
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"Shoot him some Pince#, he's got class"
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"Then take his body, broken and dry"
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"Throw it on his momma's doorstep, man, she'll die!"
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Ty'rone whips out a Purple Rain# tape and plays the song "Darling Nikki" and
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it gets Nick so horny he turns around and fucks the drainpipe behind him! In a
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flash of sanity, Nick removes his tool and leaps headlong into the vat of slop
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that makes up "Rice Krispies$". The "SNAP-KRACKLE-POP" of the little rice guys
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swimmin' around anbd partying off all the goop (it contains a small amount of
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heroin, enough to get these rice dudes happy (that's why they make the sound)),
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well, the sound gets Guido and the Burritos a-hip-hoppin' to the beat of these
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get-down Rice-Krispies$.. Nick hauls himself out of the vat and grabs a hose
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nearby leading to another vat marked "Fruity Pebbles$" Nick aims it at Guido &
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Gang and plasters them to the wall. When he turns around to run, however, Tony
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the Tiger is$ standing there saying "What the fuck do you think you are doing
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with my kwalitee sugar-coted cereal??!!". All Nick really cares about is
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getting the hell out of here, so dumps Tony into the vat. Running like the
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wind, he ducks into "Packaging". Here he waits behind the door for the Soul
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Brothers to get in here. Sure enough, the Bro's come breakin' in and Nick
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yells "Stevie Wonder is gay!" and dives off the platform towards a conveyor
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belt! The Burritos follow after him, and in midair Nick grabs a cable from the
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cailing as the Burritos and Guidos hit the conveyor with a sickening thud.
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"AAAAAAA---AAWAAWAAWAAWAAWAA" Yells Nick as he sails through the air (with
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the greatest of ease) and lands on the other side in time to see the Burritos
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come out packaged as Coco-Puffs $. Nick laughs at the irony as he connects
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"coco" with these black dudes. Nick runs outside into the sunlight into the
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Forest of Capital letters. Nick takes refuge in the top of a "Y". You forget,
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Nick is a STUD! He falls asleep and when he awakens he hears in the distance:
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"Hey there faggot high atop that 'Y' "
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"Better get ready 'cos you goin' bye-bye"
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"Haul your ass down from your place"
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"'Cos here we come to splatter your face!"
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Was Nick scared? Nope. He took off through the garden of KILLER ADRESSES
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and was suddenly attacked by a ravenous 9DBFG looking for lunch. He was able
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to get rid of it by Control-C'ing it, but A huge $ffff opened it's $ and
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started towards Nick. No control C's handy, he would have to improvise.
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Hauling down a Hi-:res page he covered it in graphics from "DIG-EM" and it died
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from sheer horror. Out of danger for now, but the Burritos were closing.
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Suddenly there was a blinding flash of light and Nick was beamed aboard the
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Flagship Frodo (713-987-4163) and is met by Marvin, the friendly robot.
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Meanwhile, the Bro's have hitched up with =>ARNOLD SHWARTZENEGGER<=, the
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=>TERMINATOR!<= soon the two ships cruise up to each other and Arnie's ship
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overtake's Marvin/Nick's. The Soul Brothers jam on in and Marvin exclaims,
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"Nick-unit, go and waste Arnie! i'll keep these break-units occupied!" Nick
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runs off throughout the ship and Arnie puts in a tape..
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"CHAKA CHAN LET NE ROCK YOU LET ME ROCK YOU CHAKA KHAN"
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"LET ME ROCK YOU THAT'S ALL I WANNA DO"
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"CHAKA CHAN LET ME ROCK YOU LET ME ROCK YOU CHAKA CHAN"
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"LET ME ROCK OYU 'COS I FEEL FO' YOU"
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And the boys begin Be-Boppin' on the floor, overcome by the AM-kwalitee
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myoosic coming from Marvin....
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KLIK-BAMA-WHAM-BAM-CHIKK-BE-DE-DEE-BOPPO-SOCKO-WHIZZ-ELECTRIC-
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BREAK-SHIT-SLIP-SLIDE-FIZZ-TINKE-WINKE-CRASH-BE-WHOMPA-BIZ-BANG
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Nick meets Arnie and Arnie whips out his trusty SPAS 12 autoloader shotgun,
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and Nick says "Fuck that!" I've got a rocket launcher! (Where did he get it?
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I dunno) BOOM! the panel nex to Arnie looks like fucking Jell-o/ bloody
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pudding. Thoom-Thoom. Arnie fires at Nick, two more panels go splat (bad aim)
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from Nick's fire! Nick fires again but Arnie ducks the shot and Nick
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accidentally steps on an intergalactic spacemouse, causing it to shit all over
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the place. Arnie hits this same stuff and falls right on his mechanized ass.
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Nick realizes weapons are useless and runs like hell. He comes across Guido
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And The Burritos and the myoosic gets into Arnie's brain and he fucking dies!
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But all this break-shit gets into Marvin's mind and he is captivated by this
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primitive body gyrations and butt bruises. He says
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"Break dancing, the way of the brother."
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Jo'jo moon-walks up to Marvin and says "You say that, Honky Motherfukkah?"
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So Marvin gives in to the way of the Burritos and joins the break troupe,
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Be-Bopping across the floor on his wheels, even teaching Guido something.
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Nick, seeing this escapade yells "Marvin! Remember the Alamo!!!" Marvin,
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with his intellectual brain, links the Alamo up with break dancing, and, in a
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fit of intelligence, chuks the tape out the porthole !!
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The breakers, in a fit of insecurity, beam down to a neighboring planet,
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"Disk-Drive" and come across an intergalactic Salvation Rmy lady ringing her
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bell, and start Be-Bopping to this beat that that hot chick (75 years old) id
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dishing out. Marvin and Nick hop out of the Trans-Mat beam and tackle the
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lady! It soon turns into a Gang-Bang and the old crone is yelling "harder!
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yes!" (She's tight as a nun) and when the dust clears, Marvin is sitting on the
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Breakers who are all broke-out (booo..bad one) and Nick corrals them and gives
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their Black asses to the old lady as a gift.. She will get out the whips and
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chains when she gets home..
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And off Nick and Marvin go, into the sunset, RATT playing softly in the
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background.
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THE END
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--- ---
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This has been an
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-ANARCHY INCORPORATED-
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PRODUCTION.
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BASED ON AN ORIGINAL CONCEPT ON THE SHADOW KEEP BBS'S
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STORY BOARD.
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THE FOLLOWING ARE TRADEMARKS INDICATED BY VARIOUS CHARACTERS.
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* DENOTES A TRADE-MARK OWNED BY THE FAG WITH GREASY HAIR ENTERPRISES, MICHAEL
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JACKSON PRES.
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% DENOTES A TRADE-MARK OWNED BY THE GREASY FOOD ENTERPRISES, RONALD McDONALD
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PRES.
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# DENOTES A TRADE-MARK OWNED BY THE OVER-SEXED SHRIMP INC, ALL HORNINESS
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RESERVED.
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+ DENOTES A TRADE-MARK OWNED BY GUIDO AND THE BURRITOS BREAK TROUPE, ALL
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BROKEN BONES RESERVED.
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$ DENOTES A TRADE-MARK OWNED BY SUGARY GLOP CEREALS, TONY THE TIGER PRES.
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/ DENOTES A TRADE:MARK OWNED BY "THE SHIT THAT LOOKS LIKE BRAINS" A SUBSIDARY
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OF JELL-O CORP.
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AUTHOR'S NOTE:
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THIS ITEM MAKES NO SENSE AT ALL. IF YOU READ IT, SEEK IMMEDIATE PSYCHIATRIC
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HELP. IF YOU WROTE IT, YOU SHOULD BE LOCKED UP.
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THANX:
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------
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LED ZEPP
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--- ----
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THE SURGE
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--- -----
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THE DAREDEVIL
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--- ---------
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DOCTOR DOOM
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------ ----
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THE DATA GENERAL
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--- ---- -------
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GUIDO
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-----
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Call The Works BBS - 1600+ Textfiles! - [914]/238-8195 - 300/1200 - Always Open
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