502 lines
14 KiB
Plaintext
502 lines
14 KiB
Plaintext
Primero Mundo, Ha Ha Ha!
|
|
Live from Harley Heaven, Wisconsin
|
|
It's
|
|
|
|
AAAA TTTTT IIIII
|
|
A A T I
|
|
AAAA T I
|
|
A A T I
|
|
A A T IIIII
|
|
without much beer.
|
|
|
|
ACTIVELY, TOLD YA SO, I'N'A?
|
|
issue # 162
|
|
9901180000
|
|
happpppppppy mlk-day
|
|
got email?
|
|
|
|
Hi there,
|
|
Prime here.
|
|
No #'s run this week, (and few letters
|
|
too) I haven't been near a
|
|
$
|
|
or a
|
|
telnet>
|
|
in 4 days.
|
|
Prime No Longer Here
|
|
bye/f
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
PRESS RELEASE:
|
|
Date: Thu, 14 Jan 1999 19:22:47 EST
|
|
From: NAMMYS@aol.com
|
|
|
|
This year's show is scheduled for
|
|
June 19th at Foxwoods. We have a
|
|
NAMMY winners tour going out in May
|
|
featuring Joanne Shenandoah, R. Carlos
|
|
Nakai Quartet, John Trudell and Walela.
|
|
More information will be on our
|
|
website shortly.
|
|
Nammys (212)
|
|
|
|
|
|
NCNCNCNCNCNCNCNC!
|
|
new column.
|
|
Marco Capelli, the world's first
|
|
anarchist virtuoso, will be giving
|
|
Classical Guitar anarchy tips.
|
|
One a week, here in ATI.
|
|
|
|
Guitar Anarchy Tip #1
|
|
If a baby in the audience is
|
|
screaming, or an unruly toddler is
|
|
bringing squinched up faces to all or
|
|
most of the ticket-purchasers; segue
|
|
right into the "Attack Of The Killer
|
|
Tomatos" theme song.
|
|
Eb, Db, B, Bb... repeat...
|
|
Do not play the entire song. You
|
|
won't be able to get right back to
|
|
serious music if you don't move fast.
|
|
One verse or the chorus will suffice.
|
|
Kids will dance in the aisles, babies
|
|
will request teletubbies, heroin addicts
|
|
and stoners alike will scream "freebird,"
|
|
"ozzie," or "stairway."
|
|
And suddenly the whole audience will be
|
|
ready to hear your serious music all the
|
|
way thru again.
|
|
Parents will smile as if in on a coup
|
|
and you will be known throughout somewhere
|
|
as the world's next Anarchist Virtuoso.
|
|
__ __
|
|
/ `-' \ ,,,
|
|
( |[====|)|m|a|r|c|o||[:::}
|
|
\__.-.__/ ```
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
A Newspaper Toast (to ati@etext.org?)
|
|
Here's to the letters editor,
|
|
The person who rations the word.
|
|
His job is to see that VOX POPULI
|
|
Will never, ever be heard.
|
|
DC Dave
|
|
|
|
|
|
Dear sir, madam, or whatever,
|
|
Recently, two issues of your
|
|
publication were sent to our
|
|
submissions address with the
|
|
intention, I suppose, of being
|
|
published in our magazine. Because
|
|
I do enjoy your work (obviously
|
|
others do as well), I was wondering
|
|
whether or not some of it may,
|
|
indeed, be printed in our 'zine.
|
|
Whether your response is affirmative,
|
|
I would like to congratulate you on your
|
|
excellent work and encourage to check out
|
|
ours if you're ever in the vicinity of
|
|
Green Bay, Wisconsin.
|
|
Thank you for your time,
|
|
and your reply may be sent to this
|
|
address.
|
|
mr. nomad
|
|
Editor-in-Chief, Up Your Bemis
|
|
[ed note: Y soitenly, and thnx]
|
|
|
|
ati
|
|
There's a link in here (or I'll
|
|
put one in) that might prove
|
|
interesting to some of your
|
|
readers.....
|
|
http://www.thewordistruth.org
|
|
sisyphus (860)
|
|
|
|
Hello,
|
|
Yes we still publish the iron feather
|
|
journal. Here is the current
|
|
contact infos:
|
|
Iron Feather Journal
|
|
po box 1905
|
|
boulder CO 80306
|
|
http://mycal.net/ifj
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
THIS IS A PRESS RELEASE!
|
|
IT IS IN ASCII!
|
|
|
|
Hey, Marco. You get it first.
|
|
Note the title here. Updated 4PM
|
|
yesterday. Please note: This most
|
|
definitely IS a preliminary
|
|
schedule. And I think it just
|
|
might fit into 40 char columns.
|
|
|
|
. . . . . . . . . . HYGIENIC XX
|
|
|
|
This is the Twentieth Anniversary
|
|
of the First Hygienic Art Show
|
|
"New London's ONLY winter tourist
|
|
attraction." - Alyson Holtz
|
|
No fees, no judges, no jury
|
|
and no censorship
|
|
Rules:
|
|
One piece per artist.
|
|
|
|
Site: The El & Gee Club
|
|
Golden St.
|
|
New London
|
|
Show Time: Sat, Jan 30 8PM to 2AM;
|
|
11:00AM to 6PM Sun Jan 31
|
|
Hanging: From 10AM to 6PM
|
|
Saturday Jan. 30
|
|
|
|
Artists: Bring in one piece to
|
|
the El&Gee between 10AM & 6PM and
|
|
hang it up. All artists are requested
|
|
to leave their work hanging until 6PM
|
|
Sunday. Registration is regretfully
|
|
necessary.
|
|
|
|
Other Events:
|
|
|
|
Live Nude Art
|
|
A life drawing class for Artists
|
|
Fri Jan 29, El&Gee Club, 3rd Floor;
|
|
Critical Neon Studios
|
|
$5.00 donation
|
|
pre-registration is requested,
|
|
Contact Terry (Davo) Davis 447-1804
|
|
|
|
...
|
|
(cut for space limits. full
|
|
updated press release next week.)
|
|
#
|
|
|
|
alt.urban.legends
|
|
Do you know you can still leave a
|
|
McDonalds (probably any one in the world)
|
|
and hear someone arguing whether the
|
|
woman who coffee-sued so many years ago
|
|
suffered 3rd degree or 1st deg?
|
|
Return 3 or 4 days later and someone's
|
|
likely debatanauseum whether it was her
|
|
thigh or her groin - whether it was a
|
|
$1M or 2.
|
|
It's like you never left...
|
|
|
|
S T U P I D F A S T F O O D T R I C K S
|
|
by marco
|
|
I learned another one 2-day. Order a side
|
|
of jalapenos at Taco Bell's drive-thru and
|
|
2 7-layer burritos hold the sour cream. You
|
|
can alter that to taste, by the way. Go to
|
|
McD's inside lobby and order a large fries.
|
|
Pour yourself some ketchup and after you've
|
|
sprinkled the peppers all over your burritos
|
|
mix the ketchups into the juice from your
|
|
jalapenos.
|
|
Eat as mindfully as you can in a fast food
|
|
foyer; if you pay really close attention you
|
|
can taste food.
|
|
Be fairly discrete - this may be against the
|
|
law. Leave while people are still looking at
|
|
you strangely, but well before someone tells
|
|
you you're not allowed.
|
|
Replicated 5 times, 3 at the same place,
|
|
the other two scattered.
|
|
Be careful of a few things.
|
|
1) People using those little paper ketchup
|
|
wrinkle-cups get quite jealous of your big
|
|
clear plastic jalapenos-2-go container.
|
|
2) Many will try and read your Taco Bell
|
|
bag. It's from "that other place out there."
|
|
3) McDonalds is the US' most popular place
|
|
to take small children and tell them Mommy and
|
|
Daddy are breaking up.
|
|
Do not, under any circumstances allow a
|
|
parental unit to use YOUR presence as a
|
|
metaphor for their familial dissolution.
|
|
"you see," they say, "it's like I prefer
|
|
Mickey D's and your mother likes Taco Hell.
|
|
See? He's more like you, and your brother;
|
|
he likes both. But McD's and TB both love
|
|
him! We both love you..."
|
|
Neither McD's nor TB like you. They'd
|
|
just as soon strike your 1st thru 3rd born
|
|
dead jus' so long as your next 7.5 children
|
|
crave beef.
|
|
Suggestion: Punch that parent square in
|
|
the face til the nose bloodies, at once
|
|
with no thought and no words.
|
|
Me? I'm in a non-violence vow so I must
|
|
find alternative methods.
|
|
4) run, unless you think you were able
|
|
to be discrete about #3 also.
|
|
=)
|
|
|
|
...let s/he who is without sin...
|
|
It's official. At least deemed
|
|
credible by Wash Post, AP et al.
|
|
Larry Flynt's going to "out"
|
|
between 2 and 12 more Washington
|
|
brassies. At least one of them will
|
|
be a woman. I bait with awaited buffalo
|
|
breath.
|
|
|
|
May I scathe a bit?
|
|
If scores of former FBI and CIA are now
|
|
hired by Larry Flynt to hustle dirt on
|
|
politicos; if Ralph McGehee, Phil Agee,
|
|
& John Stockwell quit to further peace
|
|
instead of war, if Jack Ryan can quit
|
|
rather than continue with COINTELPRO
|
|
crap, how the hell does anyone within
|
|
Edwin Moose's war-on-humans campaign
|
|
expect to command ANY loyalty from them
|
|
that linger?
|
|
Sorry fence sitters, sorry complacent
|
|
workerbees, sorry illusioned ones but:
|
|
WHAT IF OLIVER NORTH, EDWIN MEESE,
|
|
JOHN HULL, GEORGE BUSH AND TIPPER GORE
|
|
HELD A WAR AND EACH OF US SAID "F*&K
|
|
YOU" ON OUR WAY OUT THE DOOR?
|
|
Prediction: Expect a few more attacks
|
|
on "derechas humanas." Personal rights,
|
|
individual freedoms - all that, before
|
|
the dumb shake off their bloody faces,
|
|
lift their gloves and dance "to the eye
|
|
of the tiger."
|
|
I give it 'til November. That may be
|
|
conservative.
|
|
The republic is in deep doo doo.
|
|
Holding on by mercurized cotton thread.
|
|
-moliere-
|
|
|
|
|
|
ATI, an opinion page with a pulse.
|
|
|
|
#
|
|
# #
|
|
#
|
|
|
|
S E N A T O R S O F T H E W O R L D ;
|
|
U N T I E ! ! !
|
|
Gentlemen, Steal Your Pens.
|
|
|
|
PAPERMAKER RECALLS REAMS OF ROLLS
|
|
<PAWN> - Washington - Wisconsin Tissue has asked
|
|
for all its toilet paper back from the Senate
|
|
Chambers.
|
|
"They were dunked in the wrong dipper,"
|
|
said Humora Bania, International Paper
|
|
spokesperson. She said the rolls of
|
|
Senatorial TP had been mistakenly dunked
|
|
in liquid Viagra (tm) instead of an
|
|
Olestra (tm) perfume, as per US Senate
|
|
Request Forms DD2369, and Form DD2.
|
|
Harry H. Happy stumbled upon the
|
|
problem according to his boss at the
|
|
Senatorial Janitorial temp agency.
|
|
Happy was taking a quick break while
|
|
cleaning all the bathrooms in the
|
|
Senate Chambers, both public and
|
|
private. He'd thought nothing of it
|
|
when each piece of perforated paper
|
|
bore the type-error "The Quicker
|
|
Pecker Upper," watermark.
|
|
But shortly after wiping with the
|
|
Senatorial sanctioned papers, he found
|
|
himself feeling great, energetic, almost
|
|
too vibrant. He also had an unquenchable
|
|
urge to help clean all the womens rooms,
|
|
which was out of his jurisdiction and
|
|
not in his job description.
|
|
"Oh, a whole different temp agency,"
|
|
said his boss, Saji Jamumora, "a different
|
|
ethnic group and a whole other class. Why,
|
|
they're women too," he said, in utter
|
|
surprise.
|
|
Jamumora said Harry H. Happy was then
|
|
given the nickname "Horns," but he's no
|
|
longer allowed to handle paper products
|
|
or his trombone while on duty unless he's
|
|
wearing powdered rubber gloves. IP told
|
|
Wisconsin Tissue to recall all their
|
|
paper products from that delivery so for
|
|
the interim, Senators and their interns
|
|
will be given per diem to use surrounding
|
|
7-11's and Starbucks cafes for all their
|
|
daily needs until this matter is cleaned
|
|
up.
|
|
Senators who haven't gotten word yet
|
|
are asked to throw out any tissues that
|
|
slipped past the recall immediately.
|
|
The first day of President Clinton's
|
|
trial is expected to be very hard.
|
|
|
|
http://homestead.dejanews.com/organize/links.html
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Notice:
|
|
|
|
We regret to inform you that after careful
|
|
consideration, we have decided you are not
|
|
the type of reader ATI is looking for. If at
|
|
any time the need should arise for a reader
|
|
such as yourself, we will contact you.
|
|
Until that time, we ask that you put the
|
|
paper down.
|
|
Thank you.
|
|
Management.
|
|
(Idea Stolen
|
|
from Onion
|
|
NewsPeople)
|
|
|
|
- - - - - - - - - - - - - -
|
|
From Anarchist Wire Services
|
|
- - - - - - - - - - - - - -
|
|
Montana - (AWN) Unabomber did more than bomb.
|
|
Anarchist Unabomber Thed Katzensakis may have
|
|
throttled and flogged a monor, said his friend
|
|
Christopher Robbins in his new book,
|
|
"UNABOMB: The Violent Ways of Walter Mitty.
|
|
The book goes on to say his violence comes
|
|
from love compassion and community more than
|
|
fear and anger.
|
|
|
|
(YAWN) Yeltwirtipus AnarchoWorld News
|
|
FBI report says violent crime down 5%
|
|
but theft of bananas, furbie dolls and
|
|
carrots up 35% for fiscal '98
|
|
"The violence is like the DOW," said
|
|
operative Getem Du-Em, "whereas theft of
|
|
petty things more closely resembles the
|
|
NASDAQ."
|
|
|
|
ATI - Automatic Teller I-ching
|
|
|
|
|
|
PEN RECALL
|
|
----
|
|
AP JANESVILLE, WI- The Parker Vector pens
|
|
---- used by US Senators to pledge impartial
|
|
justice in the impeachment trial of President
|
|
Clinton had a misprint.
|
|
Instead of "United States Senator," the writing
|
|
on the pens said "Untied States Senator," the
|
|
manufacturer confirmed monday.
|
|
"The Senate is like any good customer of ours,
|
|
and we will reprint the order and make things
|
|
right," said Michele Szynal, a spokeswoman for The
|
|
Gillette Co.'s Stationery Products Group in
|
|
Janesville.
|
|
#
|
|
|
|
.p.a.r.p.o.t.m./.w./.y.
|
|
prime anarchist reverse prediction of the
|
|
month/week/year
|
|
|
|
.If Clinton's request for
|
|
.100,000 MORE police
|
|
.comes up for a vote
|
|
.in the Senate with any
|
|
.notice MAI will pass
|
|
.2 days before it.
|
|
|
|
DREAM DICTIONARY
|
|
<C><V><M> - If you wake up from your 4th
|
|
dream in a row about someone grabbing you
|
|
by the testicles and saying "vaca, vaca"
|
|
and your mouth is really dry and your
|
|
foot itches and the last thing you remember
|
|
doing was cottage cheese, coffee and
|
|
computers
|
|
you must:
|
|
1. call the American Dairymans Ass. and
|
|
say sorry.
|
|
2. Milk a cow or goat or yak and give
|
|
the formula to a buck-toothed veal-house
|
|
adoptee, or
|
|
3. plant 7 ceiba-trees in the rainforest
|
|
preferable Honduras, Nicaragua or coastal
|
|
Chiapas.
|
|
Vegans must
|
|
4. email 4 or more people reminding them
|
|
to turn off lights and appliances they don't
|
|
need.
|
|
If you don't have a computer
|
|
5. Go to mass, church or temple and say
|
|
sorry to Guadalupe, God or Grocery-Mama.
|
|
Atheists must pick any two of 1-3.
|
|
|
|
|
|
.5 out of 4 polemics .
|
|
.surveyed recommend ATI.
|
|
. for patience with .
|
|
. whom spam them. .
|
|
|
|
|
|
Marco's REmax Realty guide to the USA.
|
|
Who's not here yet. Quien falto?
|
|
Hay banos a izquierda; bathrooms over
|
|
there.
|
|
Oh, we have new everything.
|
|
New England, New Mexico, New postage
|
|
stamps, new churches, new music, new
|
|
math, new gangs, the new army and of
|
|
course new nazis.
|
|
Same war, diff day.
|
|
|
|
Split infinitives R there 4 your
|
|
tempermental pain and suffering.
|
|
|
|
|
|
Song:
|
|
children of the revolution
|
|
violent femmes
|
|
|
|
Journal Note: Little Girl. Tuesday.
|
|
I think my brother has joinded a gang.
|
|
|
|
Letter to Little Girl's mother from
|
|
brother.
|
|
Dear Mom, Basic training here at Fort
|
|
Jackson rots. I wanna come home...
|
|
|
|
|
|
We end with someone elses poetry,
|
|
4 after all is sediment and dung,
|
|
all we gots: pome.
|
|
|
|
On that glad night
|
|
In secret, for no one saw me,
|
|
Nor did I look at anything,
|
|
With no other light or guide
|
|
Than the one that burned in my heart;
|
|
|
|
This guided me
|
|
More surely than the light of noon
|
|
To where he waited for me
|
|
-him I knew so well-
|
|
In a place where no one appeared.
|
|
|
|
-30-
|
|
Loathe us? Tell us.
|
|
Like us? Tell phrendz...
|
|
ati@etext.org
|
|
|
|
|