263 lines
10 KiB
Plaintext
263 lines
10 KiB
Plaintext
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Underground eXperts United
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Presents...
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[ Only The Lonely ] [ By Hedge ]
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____________________________________________________________________
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____________________________________________________________________
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Only the Lonely
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- a story about Negligence and its Consequences.
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By Hedge
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"I am so lonely baby, I am so lonely baby;
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I am so lonely I could die."
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(Elvis Presley)
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<Taken from the executed prisoner David Mills diary:>
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FRIDAY 8th
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"Today I will write a little essay about loneliness, and what
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might be beyond it.
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Loneliness can be a very scary thing sometimes. If you have
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been there, you already know what I am talking about. Days
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pass by without anyone calling you, talking to you or visit
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you. It is like in that all too familiar nightmare from the
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early days of childhood, remember? You are standing someplace,
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it is cold, and there isn't a single soul around. No matter
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how hard you try, no-one comes to comfort you. It gets darker
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and darker by the minute, and just as you are hearing the
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first footsteps of evil coming closer, you wake up in a cold
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sweat. I have never stayed asleep long enough to see what is
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coming towards me from the incoming darkness. I don't know why,
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because I really want to know what or who it is that is coming
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for me. I can handle the fear by now, since I am older and more
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experienced, but somehow my mind doesn't wasn't me to see this
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being of darkness that may hold the answer to what loneliness,
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really, means. Maybe I am getting a bit carried away, just
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because I had this dream and these thoughts about it, doesn't
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necessarily mean that you had them too. Or at least, I hope,
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not as vivid as mine.
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Loneliness in real life isn't as scary as this though. At
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least not in the first stages anyhow. It's more like an emptied
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swimming pool at the end of the summer, a betrayal of high held
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hopes for something that won't come around until sometime far
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away in the future. Its just that you can't see the swimming pool,
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you can't put your finger on what you might be hoping for or
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desire. The longing is there, but its like a faint ghost or
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something. I don't know. Anyway, when there are friends around,
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they chase these ghosts away. It's like they were never there.
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It's when they leave and stay gone for a while the dreams and the
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longing comes crawling back through the woodwork. Sometimes it
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feels like sitting in a giant tube of glass, you know like the
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ones clowns pretend to be in when they put on a pantomime on the
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streets? You can hear people laughing and talking, you can see
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them coming and going, together or one at a time. The main
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difference between the clown-tube and mine, is that they can't
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see me. I am invisible. They can't even stop and laugh at my
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attempts trying to get out of there. If I stay too long at this
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stage without doing anything constructive to break the glass,
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it starts to feel like the air is slowly being sucked out of
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the tube. After a while, I am standing in a sort of vacuum, and
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now even the sounds fail to reach me. It's around this stage I
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feel the evil coming closer from the darkness. I must apply all
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my strength and mental abilities to fight him back to the
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darkness, and if I fail then evil will drown me, and make me a
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true member of his staff. I have succeeded so far in sending the
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evil back to the shadows, but maybe someday I won't. Perhaps I
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will find loneliness' true meaning then.
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Sometimes when I watch television and see those radical
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people that always test the limits I identify with them. The
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climbers and skiers all want to see how far they can stretch the
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boundaries. Perhaps this is what I am doing also. Perhaps I
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subconsciously want to be taken over by the evil, and instead of
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being subjected to negligence, do evil things.
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No, that can't be right. I just want to live my life as
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normally as possible, and to meet some more people. That's all.
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But why do I feel this urge to see the true face of loneliness? It
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can't be pretty considering my fear of it. Perhaps I feel it will
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bring me powers to end loneliness, to end others' happiness and
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increase my own. Could it be that I think the evil could give me
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the strength to strike back at those selfish bastards that never
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show up, or call? Maybe. But as I said, this is most probably
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just speculation. A few more visits to the neighborhood bar and
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some cold beers is all I need.
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Why doesn't anyone call?
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As I write this, I feel the vacuum creeping in over me,
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accompanied by the heavy footsteps of darkness. It has been a
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long time since my last battle, so I guess there are surprises
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waiting for me. I wont continue this essay. It's depressing me."
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SATURDAY 9th
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"I have been fighting darkness all day now. He is strong, and
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he nearly took me over there for a while. I managed to come
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back; a friend gave me a call and invited me over for a couple
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of beers. Salvation.
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Surprisingly, I came closer to Him than I've ever been before.
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Just as the horror began to be unbearable, a sense of relief
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started to fill my mind. Why not succumb? I thought. This can't
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be so bad, not anything worse than your other life anyway. But,
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I haven't seen the fine print of His deal yet. I need more
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information before I sign that contract.
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It is getting late, time to go to bed. I hope He lets me
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sleep the whole night through for once."
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SUNDAY 10th
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"As I am writing this I am standing just outside His doors.
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Yes, He almost managed to get me inside, but I had to go back
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once again. There is a festival in town for a few days, and I
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have talked to many interesting people. He didn't like that.
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He didn't show me the contract."
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MONDAY 11th
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"I have been staring at the walls for hours now. I tried the
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local bar, but it only made me feel worse. I had to get back
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home.
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I can't take this anymore. If He brings the contract later
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today, I will look at it. I wont sign it though. Perhaps there
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is still time for something good to happen.
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No, I wont sign it."
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TUESDAY 12th
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"He came alright. He had a friend with him this time. I guess
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you could call him His lawyer or something. They were very
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convincing, and I almost signed the contract. They brought it
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this time. Pretty harsh terms.
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Still waiting for something or someone. I didn't like His
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friend much."
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WEDNESDAY 13th
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"After a long discussion concerning the terms of the contract,
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I signed it. I had to, I couldn't stand it any longer. Now all
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I have to do, is to find some good tools. He recommended knives
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of all sorts, because they would bring more enjoyment to the
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corrections. They cost less too I guess. He sure did give me
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a lot of good advice.
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He also gave me a list of all people that had been bad to
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me during these last two years. Funny thing is, He even
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included the bartender at the local bar, I can't remember him
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doing anything bad to me. Strange.
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Actually, I can't say that any of these people on this list
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have done anything really bad to me. Well, except maybe the
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girl at the convenient store around the corner. She once gave
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me the wrong change when I bought some stuff there. But the
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others are a complete mystery to me, why are they on this list?
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All they ever did was to ignore me.
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I will go to sleep now. But tomorrow, no more lazy days.
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There is work to be done."
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THURSDAY 14th
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"Picked off a third of the people on the list today. I even
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went as far as trying to explain the contract to them, but
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they just kept screaming and calling me crazy so I stopped.
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Life makes much more sense now. No glass tube anymore, no more
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loneliness, no more sense of weakness or insignificance. I
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even made it to the headlines of todays' papers. Of course,
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they don't know who I am, but they seem to know about the
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contract. He must have tipped them off, I guess He didn't
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mind some free advertising.
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Now all these people, who had all the company they wanted,
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suddenly don't want any company at all. I guess that's why
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they don't go out anymore. They just sit at home. And when I
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show up, they all want to get away from me.
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Strange, there were days in my former life when a visit,
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any visit, could have saved a whole week for me. I wasn't good
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enough for them then, and I am not good enough for them now.
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At least now I get to play with them. And I like that.
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Have to go now, see you later."
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- - - -
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FRIDAY 22th
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"An exiting week to say the least. I have almost finished the
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list, just a few dozen people left.
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Its funny when you think about all these people! All they
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had to do was to drop in from time to time or call me once in
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a while. Then they'd still be alive now.
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So my advice to all you selfish lowlifes that are left is this:
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Make sure to stay in touch. Someone in your vicinity may very
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well be willing to kill for some company..."
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"Why don't you give George a call darling, he seems nice."
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"Maybe I'll call him tomorrow, I'm not sure if he's what
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I need right now."
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(Some soap-opera)
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---------------------------------------------------------------------------
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uXu #273 Underground eXperts United 1995 uXu #273
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Call LHDý -> +1-818-546-2332
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---------------------------------------------------------------------------
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