291 lines
8.8 KiB
Plaintext
291 lines
8.8 KiB
Plaintext
<ACK>
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Worthless Piece of Shit
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~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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/~~~~~~~~\
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| Issue #1 |
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\________/
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"Why? Why am I doing this" - My common sense
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"It's good to talk (shite)" - BT's new slogan, with the slight editing by myself
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"I'll phucking kill you at Def Con II, HOPE, HoHo Con, etc..."
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- Another irate IRCer on channel #phreak
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"Is it stinky?" - Ren and Stimpy
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"Shut up butthead" - Butthead and Beavis (of course)
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"Tax is one of those luxuries you don't really need" - A taxi man who I meant
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-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=--=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
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Contents
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~~~~~~~~
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Editorial
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A letter to the establishment
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Small print
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Wish list
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Big y0y0y0y0'z to
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Uncle BooYaa's Tek-Tek Hotline
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Top five shit list
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Totally useless ASCII clip art
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Scratch, Smell, and Lick
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Where to reach us
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-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=--=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
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Editorial
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~~~~~~~~~
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Oh well on the Wednesday the 28th of September at 1am I started to write this
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shite. Why did I start another bloody phuckin" e-Zine? Well for a start this
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one has no useful A/C/H/P/V tips here, no profiles of hated government or
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independent people, infact if you're lookin" for the above then phuck off and
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go read your issue of 26oo and be uBer. But if you want an amusing yet bloody
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useful(?) read look no further because you've come to the right place.
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BooYaa
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p.s. Please forgive the grammer, spelling, and general slimness of this zine.
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p.p.s Shit I nearly forgot I need ASCII art (Animals, Logos, etc), Poems, Songs, Useless
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programs (no warez I mean you're own work), Scanned pictures...
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-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=--=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
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A letter to the establishment
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~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Dear British Telecom,
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Why is it when you make so much money domestically and abroad must you charge
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local call rates? Could it be the fact that you have the monopoly? Why don't
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you abolish this ludicrous and unpopular scheme? Are you scared that your
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chairmen and executives would cry if their already high wages were to take a
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cut because of this. Yes it seems that the higher echelons of the company get
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very high pay packets yet engineers and operators seem to have the same average
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wage as the next man. How can you not give lower bills to the United Kingdom?
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I would like to see you justify you're selves? In general I hope you go the same
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way as ma bell, but some how I doubt it. Why? Because you've learnt from
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ma bell's mistakes right? I guess from the wording of this letter you know I
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despise your company. Since there are no companies at the current moment who
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are capable of knock you off the throne we'll have to use your foul services.
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here a quote for you Beattie...
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"They can have it in any color as long as it's black" - Mr Ford, commenting on
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the release of the model T.
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Yours
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BooYaa
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(ed - phew! got that off my chest)
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-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=--=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
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Small print
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~~~~~~~~~~~
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Well under international copywrite laws cutting and pasting or copying any part
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of this zine will seriously get you phucked up. So please don't make me get
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angry. You wouldn't like to see me when I'm angry... I can feel those Gamma
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rays hitting me again... I best lie down for a while. Where's me cup of tea?
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-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=--=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
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Wish list
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~~~~~~~~~
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If y'all want I hope to release a WinWord formatted version alongside the ASCII
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version, infact I might release it in various wordprocessed format if they're
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people willing to help.
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Add more writers, yeap I'd be mad to continue writing this zine without help.
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So I need a co-editor, full time writers and obviously loads of contributions
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from you the readers.
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Hell since I've got Aladdin's lamp why not hope to release a Multi Media
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version, the Movie, maybe even the cartoon series.
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-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=--=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
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Big y0y0y0y0'z to
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~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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UK's finest :
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Alfiwalf, BaDs, Cherokee, Codex, FTB, Harl, Maelstrom, Mocara, ScoJack, Squiz
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US's most wanted :
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AntiChrist, Carsenio, Enigma, DeadKat, Death Wizard, Kluge, Sicko
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shit, phuck it! Too tired to think of any more... Guyz just remind me when I
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see ya.
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Canada's least wanted (heh.. just jesting) :
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Pluvius, MadHacker (is he still alive?), U4EA
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Rest of the World :
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Afx, HellRazor, Phaze, R-A-D, SPiN-DoC
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IRC girlz:
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Cyntax Era, Lady Ada, Torquie, Xymote
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Special mentions go to:
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CERT, CID, COMPACT, FAST, FBI, MI5, NSA, SPA (We luv all of ya!)
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-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=--=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
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Uncle BooYaa's Tek-Tek Hotline
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~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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HP 550c - Questions
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Q: Uncle BooYaa I just carded myself one of these cool printers and now I want
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to print those GIF files of Elle "The Body" MacPhearson. The problem is the
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output looks shite.
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A: The problem is that you've selected the shite dithering option. Follow my
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simple instructions and you'll be uBer...
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1 - Click the Complex Color Printing Box
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2 - Now for the big decision
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Rating of the dithering options available;
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Standard - Shite
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Pattern - Dunno
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Cluster - Nice and sharp
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Scatter - The most colour, but messy looking
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So it's either Cluster and Scatter.
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Q: That's all very well uncle BooYaa why does the art package (GWS, Paint Brush,
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etc...) say I have insufficent memory?
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A: Coz they're shite programs, use one of thoses Warez titles you've been
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hording like WinWord.
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Then to insert a picture into the document click on the insert pull down menu,
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then click on Picture.
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Select the picture you want. And hey presto! You're ready to print.
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-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=--=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
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Top five shit list - Scriptz (Ed - this is in no particular order)
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~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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1) Foolz (BoW)
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2) Gargoyle (Valgamon)
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3) iNFiNiTY (MiSTiK)
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4) TextBox (Crypt Keeper)
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5) Toolz (YaZoo)
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-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=--=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
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Totally useless ASCII clip art
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~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Well I've got some lovely little clipettes for you hope you love them.
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[1] Condom #1 - Nice, strong, safe, and prevent all kinds of nasty viral
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infections this and Condom #2 if installed in you're AUTOEXEC.BAT
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can prevent viruses with a success rate of 99.9%!
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/\
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/ \
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(~~~~~~~~~~~~)
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
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[2] Condom #2 - Ready and portable, useful for people who work on many
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different machines.
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|~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~|
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| /~~~~~~~\ |
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| | /~~~\ | |
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| | | | | |
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| | \___/ | |
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| \_______/ |
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|_______________|
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[3] Dress me up Barbet - Yes guyz you too can dress you're own doll up. Now you
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don't need to nick you're sister's doll and undress to see what it's got behind
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the dress. She's waiting to forfill your every desire. Bahahahahahah
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_
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/~~~~~\
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//|. .|\\
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||| _ |||
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//_ \_/ _\\
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/ / \ \
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| | @ @ | |
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\ \| |/ /
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\/ () \/
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\ || /
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/ /\ \
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|_/ \_|
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-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=--=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
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Scratch, Smell, and Lick
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~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Well you've seen them in the magazines now... WpOs brings you Scratch,
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Smell, and Lick!!!! Scratch and sniff patches for you to sample.
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Instructions
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1) Select your chosen patch
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2) Scratch the square patch
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3) Smell the patch
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4) Then if you wish lick the patch
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___ ___ ___
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|___| |___| |___|
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______ _____________ _____________
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|Coffee| |Hagen Daz (c)| |Two weeks old|
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| | |Cream and | |underpants |
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| | |Cookies | | |
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~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Warning!
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~~~~~~~~
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It's recommend that you don't try this on a monitor as you get nasty static
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shocks.
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-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=--=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
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Where to reach us? (Going Schizophrenic now...)
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~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Wanna send letters, hate mail, death threats, even contributions well here's
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the iNpHo...
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Internet :- mas@zodiac.unl.ac.uk
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IRC :- BooYaa on channels; #phreak, #doom, #hack, #posers, #uber
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Telepathy :- Thanks John from Exeter, I just recieved the message.
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<EOF>
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